Winner: Jack White was recently pictured selling candy on an L.A. sidewalk. Further investigation showed that he was in the midst of offering free business advice to a couple kids arguing over the most effective locale to slang that sugar. White told Rolling Stone, "Free business advice to youngsters is part of every American's debt to society". Win!'
Loser: Rick Ro$$ was pictured with P. Diddy, Wale, a small man named Jermaine Dupri, and the perpetual controversy cyclone known as Justin Bieber. Ro$$ is considered a loser here because, undoubtedly, Bieber is going to be a bad influence on Ro$$ and might end up getting him in trouble with the law.
Winner: The US Ambassador to the UK was treated to an impromptu performance of Taylor Swift and ginger bestie Ed Sheeran performing "Heartbeats" by The Knife. It's a beautiful song and it looks like the duo did it some justice.
Loser: Vladimir Putin: After Russia's archaic anti-gay propaganda machine went into overdrive this past month in advance of the Sochi Winter Olympics, whatever credibility the country's lawmakers may have had is now totally undercut by the fact that faux-lesbian pop duo t.A.T.u are scheduled to perform at the opening ceremonies tonight. Huh?!