Madison: Jascmeen was VIP, so...
ST: Whoa, really?
Matt: Vibes. We vibin'.
Madison: It was 100% dope.
ST: Was Jesus there? Jascmeen, did you meet Jesus?!
Jascmeen: Nah, just white Jesus.
Matt: He [Kanye] said, "what up, Yeezus?" Then he took off his mask.
Jascmeen: I wasn't a real VIP. I had a friendly friend in the right place at the right time.
ST: Oh, one of those.
Madison: She was right up there doing shots with Diddy. Like a true boss. Dancing with Jaden Smith.
ST: Was your friendly friend... JESUS?!
Madison: Matt and I were posted up with the gangster high schoolers.
Matt: Fairfax High School alum. Class of 2012.
ST: Nice. So, from our understanding, they sectioned people off based on gold chain count?
Madison: Hahahah. 1 chain, 2 chains…
ST: One chain over there, two chains that way… 5 chains or more... VIP!
Madison: Kendrick Lamar was everything to me.
Jascmeen: Kendrick was a dream boat.
Madison: When he came out on stage, like staggering and sh*t or whatever it was… I was like, "OMG."
ST: "OMG" shock, or "OMG" OMG?
Madison: "OMG," like what a prince.
ST: Prince. Got it.
ST: Did he diss Drake some more?
Madison: Nah, no freestyle. He just did his songs, plus he gave a speech about being humble. It was uplifting.
ST: HAH. What did he say about being humble?
Madison: He's not as braggy as he acts. He's like, I came from nothing, I got out of Compton, everyone is worth something. He was so REAL.
Jascmeen: He's short but gorgeous.
ST: You all bought confederate flags, we're assuming?
Jascmeen: Neverrrrrrrrrr. Not even for Ye. (That's what we call him now.)
On high schoolers smoking each other up…
Jascmeen: Matt isn't telling you about how he pretended he was in high school. Tell 'em, Matt!
Madison: To fit in with all the high school ratchets. That place was OVERRUN with kiddies. The girls behind me were like, "OMG DO YOU HAVE A BLUNT?! DO YOU HAVE ANY WEED AT ALL! I CANT EVEN GET THRU THIS SHOW SOBER! OMG RYAN'S TEXTING ME!"
Matt: Not *in* high school. A recent graduate!
On production value...
ST: Did Kanye have his giant mountain thing?
Jascmeen: Yes! there was also a monster.
ST: A monster?!
Madison: Jesus. Fireworks. Dancers in nude.
ST: Go back to monster. Wait… nude?
Jascmeen: Hunchback werewolf with red eyes. Yeah, the nude chicks were cool.
Madison: They scrambled on stage like animals.The mountain cracked open.
Jascmeen: We pretty much had Mass and CHUUCH.
ST: Was anyone baptized?
More on the VIP section…
ST: Was Diddy really there?
Jascmeen: Yes. He sat near (redacted) and I.
ST: He didn't do anything weird?
Jascmeen: He adjusted Cassie [Ventura]'s hat several times.
Madison: Did the Jenners dance?
Jascmeen: Yeah, that white girl dance. You know the one.
Madison: Oh lol, like me?
ST: How do you do the "white girl dance"?
Jascmeen: Stand to the side. Fix your hair. You're dancing. Kim danced like that.
Madison: EVERYONE was in Jascmeen's section. You forgot to mention FRANK OCEAN, the only NAME in the mix.
ST: FRANK OCEAN!
And so ended our intellectual discussion. Back to more important things like Miley tweaking with strippers and over-examining Kim Kardashian's butt shape.