The uber-hyped, mega event that is the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards is finally here. We're killing two birds with one stone: covering the event for all of you out there with better things to do, and we're playing Buzzfeed's stellarly-composed drinking game. Yeah, it's gonna get sloppy. (Hopefully.) Let's do it.
(All times Eastern Standard Time.)
8:56 PM. Not even through the pre-show yet and we had to drink several times. (Thanks Robin Thike and One Direction!) By the way, Pharrell Williams rolling in with a BMX crew was pretty amazing.
9:00 PM. Moonface Gaga! Yes!
9:03 PM. Mama monster just changed her makeup/wardrobe four times in less than thirty seconds. That's a record, right? More impotantly, that's a lot of drinking... glug glug glug...
9:09 PM. Selena Gomez takes home a Moonman for best pop video and we take home an extra drink in our bellies with that cutaway to Bruno Mars in a hat. The camera is loving Taylor Swift tonight, by the way.
9:16 PM. They just announced a bunch of awards on our way back from commercial break (bathroom break)... Capital Cities won best visual effects. Well done, guys!
9:18 PM. Uhh... Miley Cryus is having an emotinal breakdown right now on stage, canoodling Robin Thicke with a giant Mickey Mouse foam finger. Cover your eyes, kids.
9:30 PM. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis win best hip-hop video presented by Iggy Azalea and Brooklyn lollipop gazelle Lil Kim.
9:36 PM. Shut up, Kevin Hart.
9:38 PM. Pretty sure Jared Leto has hair extensions. "Praise the Lord!"
9:41 PM. Kanye West performed "Blood on the Leaves." He's either a genius, or just some crazy guy performing in the dark.
9:51 PM. Lady Gaga is high-fiving the hell outta Will Smith right now. Not really sure what that's all about. Also, Macklemore just got another award: best video with a message. "Same Love," people.
10:00 PM. "The president of pop" takes the stage. Sorta. He needs to dance down a hallway, ride an escalator, and dance a little more first...
10:02 PM. Nope, he's on stage now...
10:08 PM. Is it possible to OD on Justin Timberlake? If so, it might be happening right now.
10:13 PM. Holy fuck. 'N Sync.
10:14 PM. Taylor Swift is so happy.
10:37 PM. Macklemore's performance was a tearjerker. Well done.
10:43 PM. Austin Mahone as an aritst to watch. Who would of thought? Oh wait, us!
10:57 PM. Bruno Mars has been wearing that hat all night. Meaning, we've been chugging shots every time it cuts to him. Seriously, man. Take that thing off. Congrats on the male video VMA, though.
11:07 PM. Oh, righ. Bruno Mars kills it live.
11:18 PM. Justin Timberlake just won some other thing. I don't know what. I've lost focus. He's just great, that's the theme.
11:23 PM. Katy Perry close the show in style. And by "in style" we mean in full gear in a boxing ring. It wan't half bad, but maybe that's the booze talking.
11:30 PM. Bye.