Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart II" Is a Beautiful Disaster

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Billy Ray Cyrus\' \"Achy Breaky Heart II\" Is a Beautiful Disaster
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You never would have guessed that when we got rid of Billy Ray Cyrus the first time all those decades ago, we would have to suffer the wrath of his mullet once more. When his daughter Miley rose to prominence we accepted it, bedgrudgingly, on the basis that at least Billy Ray would be content to stay on the sidelines. But no. Oh, god no. He's broken his promise with the Devil. He's back. 

Prepare yourself for "Achy Breaky Heart II" the remix: '90s hip-hop + twerking - any semblance of swag + Rogaine x country themes = this video.


The video begins with a confused-looking, exhumed corpse nattering away for some reason:

...who looks remarkably like this dude: 


And then for some reason, Billy Ray is walking around a hiking trail with a portly young black kid...

Wait for it...


And then suddenly we're in space, full of sexy twerking aliens who smoke liberally from space vapes (there ain't no high like a zero gravity high) and the little portly black boy has transformed into a large and portly black man rockin' a cowboy hat. Trill as fuck hi-hats abound. Somewhere in a strip club, Juicy J is crying during a lapdance. 


And then he is revealed! Billy Ray. Dyed hair, shaved chest and that quintessential Cyrus family trait for hammin' it up like a Christmas dinner. Cue the down-home country guitar solo and the EDM whoop-whoops! Looks like someone stole Steve Aoki's (ghostwriter's) MacBook...and then shat on it. 


Now at this point, I know what you're thinkin'. Billy Ray should Farnsworth Bentley the fuck outta here:


But wait a minute. You didn't watch this video to enjoy it. You're watching this video because it is your debt to society to watch our culture crumble to the ground around us. You. Have. To watch. Prepare yourself for the WORST WHITE GIRL TWERKING EVER:


It sort of made us feel like:


Our final reaction was a little bit of this:

And a whole lot of

 

DO BETTER, SOCIETY!

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